Friends, My Patrons, Cryptozoologists, Ufologists, Phantologists, Ghost hunters, Aliens, Interdimensional Time Travelers, Cattle Mutilators, Illuminati Members, Taco Belluminati Members, Sea Beasts, Relic Humanoids, Relic Pizza Noids and Fellow Weirdos.
We are closing in on twenty years into this new century. Eighteen years beyond the predicted horrors of Y2K. Eight years since a dog named Scooby Doo testified, as a witness, in a French murder case. Six years have elapsed since the failed apocalypse of 2012; also let us not forget the failed apocalypses of 2013, 2014, and 2015. It has been and still is, a hard time for many. And great numbers of people still believe doomsday is just around the corner. Planet X growing ever closer.
But tonight, we turn the page. Tonight, after a breakthrough year for weirdos, our conspiracies are growing and getting crazier. Our reality TV shows are becoming more bizarre and hysterical. More of our like-minded friends are wondering if they have wasted their lives worrying about monsters… instead of embracing them. A larger number of our friends are discussing UFOs, Bigfoot, and Ghosts. And, we are weirder than we’ve ever been.
This Unusual Moment
At this moment — with growing interest, the naming of hoaxers, bustling book sales, booming online content — we have risen from the dark corners of the imagination freer to write our own future. It’s now up to us to choose who we want to be for decades to come.
The State of the Unusual has been so crowded with odd events, fascinating processes and confounding results that I cannot hope to give you an adequate picture of its transactions or of the far-reaching changes which have grown throughout our community and of the world.
You have yourselves witnessed these things, Mothmen, Dogmen, Bigfoot, UFO, Elves, Time-Travelers, and Ghosts. It is too soon to assess them, and we who stand in the midst of them and are part of them are less qualified than the people of a future generation will be to say what they mean, or even what they have been.. unless that person is a Time-Traveler. But some great outstanding facts are unmistakable and constitute, in a sense, part of the high-strangeness with which it is our duty to deal. To state them is to set the stage for action which must grow out of them and which we have yet to shape and determine.
This year has been unusual indeed. From the Midwest with its increase in alleged Mothman and Dogman sightings; to the shores of the Atlantic which has suffered so much from Reptilian Hurricane Machines, (much like Cobra Commander’s Weather Dominator), the high desert with its secret UFO bases; to the West Coast overrun by wealthy Bohemian Vampires. Not even the heartland was quiet over the last year there have been so many Sasquatch reports it’s surprising that anyone can even sleep with so much tree knocking going on.
A strong America depends on its Weirdos and our outlandish stories. We are indeed America’s glory, and sometimes America’s shame.
America is now a place where the terms “alternative truth” and “fake news” have become well recognized. Long ago our community was familiar with these ideas. Rhombus Earthers, Obama on Mars, The four day-day of the Time Cube. Although some people may say we are crazy we were the ones who, so many years ago, looked at Jonathan Reed’s Alien Teleportation Bracelet and said, “ENOUGH!”
Somehow, our alternative facts and our fake news have been made to look… almost rational. When Orfeo Angelucci spent a week on Neptune his message was confusing but clear.
We must get along with each other. We are one family.
These stories, wild and bizarre, sought not to hurt but to help. In our modern era “fake news” and “alternative facts” are used to divide and harm. We, the Weirdos, who for so long were tormented for thinking differently must strive to provide for the peaceful and free exchange of ideas, without losing our grip on a precariously perched reality.
Our Unusual Challenges
We do face two great challenges.
First, we must stop labeling our YouTube videos with the word “proof”. If it was actually proof you wouldn’t be uploading it as a three minute poorly edited YouTube video.
Second, and this one is the one that most people will have difficulty with. We must be willing to say, “I don’t know.”
If you don’t know, then say you don’t know.
We will grow as a community when people begin to embrace “I don’t know” over making up some whatchmahooha answer that ultimately leaves no one feeling satisfied. Not knowing leads to knowing. And one of the smartest things you can say and do is to admit when you don’t know.
Will we approach those of differing ideas fearful and reactive; dragged into costly snark wars that strain the patience of our twitter followers? Or will we snark wisely, using as many correctly spelled memes as in our power to defeat new pointless trolling threads and Facebook posts as a means to protect our sometimes insane rationalizations?
We will not reach that goal today, or tomorrow. We may not reach it in our own lifetime. But the quest is the greatest adventure of our century. We sometimes cry out at the burden of our obligations, the complexity of our decisions, the agony of our choices, the unintelligible responses to our EVP recordings. But there is no comfort or security for us in turning away, no solution in close-mindedness, no relief in irresponsibility.
The Current State of the Unusual
Weirdos of America, for all that we have endured; for all the snark and nonsense thrown upon us by social media trolls, overly self-righteous mechanized materialists and capital “S” Skeptics, the shadow of the long-held insult “Weirdo” is passing, and the State of the Unusual is strong.
My fellow Weirdos, we are a unique, loose-knit and highly dysfunctional family. But we, have made it through some hard times. Almost 20 years into this new century, we have picked ourselves up, brushed ourselves off, and begin again the work of remaking the idea of the Weirdo. We have polished the spaceships, dusted away our orbs, and a brighter future is ours to explore. Let’s continue this unusual adventure together — and let’s start by being the Weirdos we always knew we could be.
Some of this speech was plagiarized from Presidential State of the Union Addresses, which are paid for with tax-payer money so they belong to the public… so I guess that means it’s not really plagiarized